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Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Oh My Gawd!!!
Today is like the most hectic day of this week. Accompanied with, a really EXCRUCIATING stomach ache, it just worsened my day. Damn, I was squirming like mad in my seat for the whole an hour and a half. Even the lecture sounded like a nag that said "Haha! Screw you!" all over again.
In my mind, I told myself to act cool, like nothing's happening. Though, it felt like someone was slashing my abdomen. I jerked myself forward for the rest of the class. Then, the clock struck at 3. I wasted no time and immediately packed my things in my bag. I waited impatiently for the lecturer to say "Ok, we'll end our class with Tasbih Kifarah and Surah Al-'Asr."
Unfortunately, this one guy suddenly asked her something regarding what we had learnt. Darn idiot! Why can't you ask after class??!! was what I thought. After 10 long minutes that seemed like forever, finally the class ended. I stormed out of the class, tried really hard to look normal with a straightened posture. Heading towards the ladies', I immediately went into one of the cubicles. And you know what happened next.
Thank Lord!!
Rofl.
In my mind, I told myself to act cool, like nothing's happening. Though, it felt like someone was slashing my abdomen. I jerked myself forward for the rest of the class. Then, the clock struck at 3. I wasted no time and immediately packed my things in my bag. I waited impatiently for the lecturer to say "Ok, we'll end our class with Tasbih Kifarah and Surah Al-'Asr."
Unfortunately, this one guy suddenly asked her something regarding what we had learnt. Darn idiot! Why can't you ask after class??!! was what I thought. After 10 long minutes that seemed like forever, finally the class ended. I stormed out of the class, tried really hard to look normal with a straightened posture. Heading towards the ladies', I immediately went into one of the cubicles. And you know what happened next.
Thank Lord!!
Rofl.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Boredom's creeping...
Ok, I think I simply have nothing to talk about that I posted that beautifully-written song up. Lol. Anways, with Idol ended last week and football's gonna end this Thursday, I wonder what I'd do to replace those times for the next 3 months. Sigh....
I came up with the things I'd do to past my free times.
1) Sleeping
2) Listen to Adam's covers that I've sorted in a playlist to listen all day long
3) Search for Adam's pics
4) Watch Adam's performances again and again on YouTube
5) Sleeping
6) Eat
7) Watch Adam's videos that I've downloaded
8) Imitating Adam whenever I listen to Born To Be Wild
9) Sleeping
10) And the ultimatum - Talk about Adam again and again!
So, those are pretty much of what I'd plan to do, which I do almost the same things everyday! Guess, the thing is that, I need to focus back on my studies after this so-called "one-week" mid-semester break. Sigh....
Before I sign out, lemme press the button enter at the playlist on my music player, then Bookmark List 1, and choose Play That Funky Music, live performance version. Hit it one more time for me, Mr Adam Lambert!
Hey, Once I was a boogie singer playin' in a Rock and Roll Band
I never had no problems, yeah
Burnin' down one night stands
And everything around me, yeah
Got to stop to feelin' so low
And I decided quickly (Yes I did)
To disco down and check out the show
Yeah, they was dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die
Till you die (this is where he went to the oh-so-incredible high-pitch)
I came up with the things I'd do to past my free times.
1) Sleeping
2) Listen to Adam's covers that I've sorted in a playlist to listen all day long
3) Search for Adam's pics
4) Watch Adam's performances again and again on YouTube
5) Sleeping
6) Eat
7) Watch Adam's videos that I've downloaded
8) Imitating Adam whenever I listen to Born To Be Wild
9) Sleeping
10) And the ultimatum - Talk about Adam again and again!
So, those are pretty much of what I'd plan to do, which I do almost the same things everyday! Guess, the thing is that, I need to focus back on my studies after this so-called "one-week" mid-semester break. Sigh....
Before I sign out, lemme press the button enter at the playlist on my music player, then Bookmark List 1, and choose Play That Funky Music, live performance version. Hit it one more time for me, Mr Adam Lambert!
Hey, Once I was a boogie singer playin' in a Rock and Roll Band
I never had no problems, yeah
Burnin' down one night stands
And everything around me, yeah
Got to stop to feelin' so low
And I decided quickly (Yes I did)
To disco down and check out the show
Yeah, they was dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die
Till you die (this is where he went to the oh-so-incredible high-pitch)
No Boundaries...
Seconds, hours, so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment lasts forever
One you feel you've lost your way
And what if my chances were already gone
I started believing that I could be wrong
But you gave me one good reason
To fight and never walk away
So here I am, still holding on
With every step you climb another mountain
Every breath is harder to believe
You make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing
Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
Then take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
I fought to the land there to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets
Don't know where the future's heading
But nothing's gonna bring me down
I jumped every bridge
I've run every light
I've risk being safe
I always knew why
So here I am, still holding on
You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries
I'm gonna believe you
Break every rule cause there's nothing between you and your dream
There are no boundaries....
...Adam rocks my world!...
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment lasts forever
One you feel you've lost your way
And what if my chances were already gone
I started believing that I could be wrong
But you gave me one good reason
To fight and never walk away
So here I am, still holding on
With every step you climb another mountain
Every breath is harder to believe
You make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing
Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
Then take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
I fought to the land there to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets
Don't know where the future's heading
But nothing's gonna bring me down
I jumped every bridge
I've run every light
I've risk being safe
I always knew why
So here I am, still holding on
You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries
I'm gonna believe you
Break every rule cause there's nothing between you and your dream
There are no boundaries....
...Adam rocks my world!...
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
An Adam Lambert Fanatic..lol
Honestly, Ive never been a die-hard fan of Idol. It's just enough for me to know though, who wins and such. Like when I was 17, we'd be listening to the radio for constant updates on what was going on with the finale of AI season 5 since it was aired on 8 in the morning and we had to be at school.
My girlfriends and I listened with great anticipation and when one of them announced, "Taylor Hicks won!" she and I giggled and kept on saying how good it was to have him win Idol instead of Katharine McPhee. Then, my interest in Idol grew a bit and when the next season aired, I didn't watch all of them but only some of the performances. For me, I'd prefer for Blake Lewis to win Idol cause I don't really like Jordin. Lol. But her vocals is better than him, so no doubt that she won.
The same went with Season 7, when David Archuleta and David Cook went to the finale as the final two. For that season finale, I had no arguments because I think that both of them deserved to be in that spot and that it didn't matter who wins. They both are equally good in their own genre. Though, I've never been an Idol fanatic until this past Season 8.
As usual, my favorite part of Idol is watching those disastrous auditions. Since I was too busy with classes and assignments, I missed out on most of the audition weeks including one of the contestants audition whom then became my next favorite contestant. I finally had my American Idol moment when one evening I sat down on the couch, turned on the telly, and switched to AI. The show opened with Group 2 performing Ne-Yo's Closer. Then, I saw this one particular guy. He had his black-dark blue hair parted to one side of his face (which was my fave guy hairstyle anyway..lol) and had a black tee, jacket and pants on. I also love that necklace (lol).
I recognized none of the faces in that group but this one guy definitely attracted me the most. When Ryan announced the second name (if i'm not mistaken) that were chosen to enter the Top 13, he said this name that started with Adam. I couldn't catch the last name though. Then, my guy stood and took the center stage. Oh, so his name's Adam, I thought. He sang his song choice called Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones. He started quite ok, but when he hit that high notes and started sort of screaming, I was immediately mesmerized - totally! God, that guy really got guts to sing like that. My jaw literally dropped open and crooked a smile, accompanied with a new interest. A couple of days later, I found out that Adam's last name's Lambert.
So, the era of my Adamaniac began. The first week was Michael Jackson but I couldn't catch the performance nor the repeat telecast. I only managed to catch the results and knew that he's save. The second and third week passed. He's still on the run. When he sang Wild Cherry's Play That Funky Music, I was eating my dinner with the tv in front of me. I danced to the melody and sang with the words as the song is one of the many songs that I love. He changed the arrangements and made me like his version even more than the original one. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. No wonder I like him so much. I love rock and he's definitely a rock n' roll guy. He even resembles my favorite rock band, My Chemical Romance, just look at his black-painted nails and dark clothings (almost like Gerard Way..hee hee). He changed the song and even screamed to the highest notes he could reach.
He simply knows how to make a song in his own version, make it rock-ish and how to make people mesmerized, sing and danced to the music (just watch Paula) everytime he sings. He even changed a country song and a song from the Rat Pack week to rock songs. Gosh, he's so creative and his singing talent is like one in a million. Look, I'm not bragging about it but it's just the truth.
My favorite week was when they sang the tracks in the year they were born. And Amazing Adam sang the ever haunting number called Mad World. I had goosebumps when he reached the chorus. Man, that for me was his best performance ever. To proof that, even Simon Cowell gave him a standing ovation (that's like receiving a Nobel Prize if the standing comes from Simon..lol). Even JJ and Ean from Hitz.fm Morning Crew agreed.
He continued to wow me (and millions of others) week after week and he seemed to be endlessly enjoying his performances and surprised us again and again with his dancing and crazy high-pitched voice. At that point of time, even when in the third week I already figured that he'd be the next Idol. Then a rumor about him being a gay leaked in the Internet (with pics as proof). I took the time to surf the web and looked at those pics. All I could see was, there were several pics of two gay guys making out with tongues with some of the pics had them dressed weirdly.
The point is, is it really a big deal for the people to judge someone's talent by his sexual orientation? That's so hypocrite for me. Even the show alone is a singing competition, so leave the man alone. So what if he's gay? Even the lead singer of Queen was a gay and he was regarded as the best rocker. Sigh.. When the media asked about his sexual orientation, he gave a really smart answer which was, "I know who I am." Kudos Adam!
When the final two was revealed, I was ever-so-relieved that Adam made it to the Finale. And then, as you can guess, he definitely went to give his best in his performances including to the winning song No Boundaries which was co-written by Kara DioGuardi. He nailed the song like he owned the song, unlike his other competitor, Kris Allen, who tried really hard to sing it. I guessed it must be hard for him to sing the song - you'd know if you watch the Finale.
In the second part of the Finale, he again, nailed every song he performed. The performance he did with Kiss was unbelievable. He fit in so much in that genre. I prayed so much, hoping that Adam would win but he didn't. Guess I didn't pray that much. I even noticed that Simon didn't stand to congratulate Kris, whereas the other judges did. I yelled "What?!" when Kris was crowned the winner. I couldn't accept the fact that I went to sleep soon after that. When I woke up, I didn't talk to anyone but to argue and questioned on how is it possible for Kris to win. "America so far had never made mistakes in choosing the winner until today" that were the exact words I said to my Mom, who supports Gokey and my Kris's-fan sister. I mean, if he can sing with Kiss, he can definitely sing anything.
I don't have any grudge against Kris Allen, he's a good singer himself and he also had every rights to win Idol. Except that it'd be better if Adam won because he deserved it more. Kris for me, has the ordinary voice, while Adam's is rare and hard to find which makes him unique and different. He was also very consistent each week unlike Kris.
However, what is past is past. Now, I have every single song Adam had performed starting from the ages of Satisfaction until No Boundaries (the winning song for him if he won..fyi, his version is better that Kris's..). I do also have Kris's Ain't No Sunshine and Heartless, which he sang really great though and I could say that he'd done a great job to those songs =)
I wish them nothing but the best and if ever by any ridiculous, insane and an out-of-mind reason (lol) that Adam would read this, just want him to know that he has a full support from millions of his fans worldwide, we don't care for what had happened and we can't wait for your new album to come out.
Love,
Trah Lambert =D
My girlfriends and I listened with great anticipation and when one of them announced, "Taylor Hicks won!" she and I giggled and kept on saying how good it was to have him win Idol instead of Katharine McPhee. Then, my interest in Idol grew a bit and when the next season aired, I didn't watch all of them but only some of the performances. For me, I'd prefer for Blake Lewis to win Idol cause I don't really like Jordin. Lol. But her vocals is better than him, so no doubt that she won.
The same went with Season 7, when David Archuleta and David Cook went to the finale as the final two. For that season finale, I had no arguments because I think that both of them deserved to be in that spot and that it didn't matter who wins. They both are equally good in their own genre. Though, I've never been an Idol fanatic until this past Season 8.
As usual, my favorite part of Idol is watching those disastrous auditions. Since I was too busy with classes and assignments, I missed out on most of the audition weeks including one of the contestants audition whom then became my next favorite contestant. I finally had my American Idol moment when one evening I sat down on the couch, turned on the telly, and switched to AI. The show opened with Group 2 performing Ne-Yo's Closer. Then, I saw this one particular guy. He had his black-dark blue hair parted to one side of his face (which was my fave guy hairstyle anyway..lol) and had a black tee, jacket and pants on. I also love that necklace (lol).
I recognized none of the faces in that group but this one guy definitely attracted me the most. When Ryan announced the second name (if i'm not mistaken) that were chosen to enter the Top 13, he said this name that started with Adam. I couldn't catch the last name though. Then, my guy stood and took the center stage. Oh, so his name's Adam, I thought. He sang his song choice called Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones. He started quite ok, but when he hit that high notes and started sort of screaming, I was immediately mesmerized - totally! God, that guy really got guts to sing like that. My jaw literally dropped open and crooked a smile, accompanied with a new interest. A couple of days later, I found out that Adam's last name's Lambert.
So, the era of my Adamaniac began. The first week was Michael Jackson but I couldn't catch the performance nor the repeat telecast. I only managed to catch the results and knew that he's save. The second and third week passed. He's still on the run. When he sang Wild Cherry's Play That Funky Music, I was eating my dinner with the tv in front of me. I danced to the melody and sang with the words as the song is one of the many songs that I love. He changed the arrangements and made me like his version even more than the original one. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. No wonder I like him so much. I love rock and he's definitely a rock n' roll guy. He even resembles my favorite rock band, My Chemical Romance, just look at his black-painted nails and dark clothings (almost like Gerard Way..hee hee). He changed the song and even screamed to the highest notes he could reach.
He simply knows how to make a song in his own version, make it rock-ish and how to make people mesmerized, sing and danced to the music (just watch Paula) everytime he sings. He even changed a country song and a song from the Rat Pack week to rock songs. Gosh, he's so creative and his singing talent is like one in a million. Look, I'm not bragging about it but it's just the truth.
My favorite week was when they sang the tracks in the year they were born. And Amazing Adam sang the ever haunting number called Mad World. I had goosebumps when he reached the chorus. Man, that for me was his best performance ever. To proof that, even Simon Cowell gave him a standing ovation (that's like receiving a Nobel Prize if the standing comes from Simon..lol). Even JJ and Ean from Hitz.fm Morning Crew agreed.
He continued to wow me (and millions of others) week after week and he seemed to be endlessly enjoying his performances and surprised us again and again with his dancing and crazy high-pitched voice. At that point of time, even when in the third week I already figured that he'd be the next Idol. Then a rumor about him being a gay leaked in the Internet (with pics as proof). I took the time to surf the web and looked at those pics. All I could see was, there were several pics of two gay guys making out with tongues with some of the pics had them dressed weirdly.
The point is, is it really a big deal for the people to judge someone's talent by his sexual orientation? That's so hypocrite for me. Even the show alone is a singing competition, so leave the man alone. So what if he's gay? Even the lead singer of Queen was a gay and he was regarded as the best rocker. Sigh.. When the media asked about his sexual orientation, he gave a really smart answer which was, "I know who I am." Kudos Adam!
When the final two was revealed, I was ever-so-relieved that Adam made it to the Finale. And then, as you can guess, he definitely went to give his best in his performances including to the winning song No Boundaries which was co-written by Kara DioGuardi. He nailed the song like he owned the song, unlike his other competitor, Kris Allen, who tried really hard to sing it. I guessed it must be hard for him to sing the song - you'd know if you watch the Finale.
In the second part of the Finale, he again, nailed every song he performed. The performance he did with Kiss was unbelievable. He fit in so much in that genre. I prayed so much, hoping that Adam would win but he didn't. Guess I didn't pray that much. I even noticed that Simon didn't stand to congratulate Kris, whereas the other judges did. I yelled "What?!" when Kris was crowned the winner. I couldn't accept the fact that I went to sleep soon after that. When I woke up, I didn't talk to anyone but to argue and questioned on how is it possible for Kris to win. "America so far had never made mistakes in choosing the winner until today" that were the exact words I said to my Mom, who supports Gokey and my Kris's-fan sister. I mean, if he can sing with Kiss, he can definitely sing anything.
I don't have any grudge against Kris Allen, he's a good singer himself and he also had every rights to win Idol. Except that it'd be better if Adam won because he deserved it more. Kris for me, has the ordinary voice, while Adam's is rare and hard to find which makes him unique and different. He was also very consistent each week unlike Kris.
However, what is past is past. Now, I have every single song Adam had performed starting from the ages of Satisfaction until No Boundaries (the winning song for him if he won..fyi, his version is better that Kris's..). I do also have Kris's Ain't No Sunshine and Heartless, which he sang really great though and I could say that he'd done a great job to those songs =)
I wish them nothing but the best and if ever by any ridiculous, insane and an out-of-mind reason (lol) that Adam would read this, just want him to know that he has a full support from millions of his fans worldwide, we don't care for what had happened and we can't wait for your new album to come out.
Love,
Trah Lambert =D
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Only Heaven Knows...
On the brighter dark side of my life, the so-called "Love of my life" phoned me about 2 weeks ago. He called just in time when my Adam Lambert was about to perform. The conversation went on like this :
Z : Hey, Me. It's Z. (it's because he was using his cousin's mobile).
Me : Who? (the blaring sound of people cheering in the tv for Adam when he went on stage)
Z : It's Z.
Me : Z? (thinking...) Oh, Z!! Hi!
Z : *chuckles* (oh he sounded sooo adorable) Hey. U busy?
Me : Oh, no. No. (I postponed washing the dishes just to watch Adam and now you're calling, what d'ya think?)
Z : Great. Anyway, I'm just calling to find out how have you been after what had happened.
A slight pause from Me.
Me : (We BROKE UP.. How do you think I'd be?) Am fine. Why is that?
Z : Um, nothing. I thought you'd be sad after we....
Me : (I was DEVASTATED for God's sake Z!!) Oh, that's nothing. I'm good actually.
Z : Wow.. I'm glad to hear that.. Can't believe you'd be fine after.....
Me : You know what, I called you for over 20 times but you didn't pick up. I was disappointed. I tried to clear things up, I know it was my fault but you didn't give me a chance and you just gave up on us.
Z : Me, I myself didn't know what the hell happened to me. I didn't care for the ones I love and
I just left the town to clear my mind up. I'm so sorry.
Me : *soft sigh* So, how do you do now? You alright?
Z : No.
Me : Aww, why's that? (God, I wish we're still a couple so that we can talk and share things for hours like we used to)
Z : I don't know. I feel terrible and awful. I don't even know why. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you in any way.
Me : It's okay. It's history now.. *with a soft giggle* (I miss you actually)
Z : Do you already have someone?
Me : What? No.. *laughs* No..
Z : Me?
Me : Yeah?
And then, the most bizarre thing happened.. I couldn't believe that he still trust in our relationship..
Z : Would you wait for me if I asked you to? Like in 2 or 3 years? I really want to stable myself
first.
Me : *A really loud laugh* What was that again?
Z : Would you wait for me if I asked you to? *pause* Well, it's not that I ask you to, cause it would sound forcing.. Hm.. *giggles* camane nak cakap ni ah?
Me : *giggles* Ok, so you want me to wait for you? Is that it?
Z : Well, sorta.. But let me rephrase it. I would really really hope if you would wait for me in 2 or 3 years more. *sighs and more sighs* (he sounded worry, like if he had put the word correctly..lol..he sounded cute whenever he's trying to make things up =D)
Me : I'm really not sure about this though..
Z : Oh, please.. I'm really hoping if you would..
Me : I'm not sure.. I.. Well, maybe.. I don't know..
Z : Think about this first ok?
Me : I don't... Sigh, ok I will..
Z : *sounded cheerful* really? Think about it ok?
Me : Alright *with giggles*
Z : Ok then..
Me : Ok then..
Normally, we would do the no-you hang-up-no-you-hang-up-first routine. But there was a long pause, neither of us said anything.. So, I figured, before he says anything that would make me cry again (whether a good cry or a bad cry) like he always did, I finally said "Bye" and then hung up, didn't even wait for the reply..
I'm not sure about this, really.. I don't know if I should listen to him or not but all I know is that I shouldn't put much trust in this.. I keep on telling myself that I've put him in the past but whenever I feel lonely, all I can think of is him.. All the things that we talked about.. I kept on praying that we'd get back together at the second we broke up..
However, I've decided on the conclusion that I would turn him down.. No matter if it would make me feel terribly awful. Or maybe, make the both of us feel terribly awful. I don't want the same thing to happen again, even if it means that I have to lose him. Well, here's a song that I listen whenever I thought of him.. It's a lovely song and suits me best.. It's a guy song so I changed it a bit.. lol..
He's always on my mind
From the time I wake up, till I close my eyes
He's everywhere I go, he's all I know
Though he's so far away, it just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now he's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let him go
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love him, you've gotta set him free
And if he returns in kind
I'll know he's mine
But tell me, where do I start?
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let him go
Why I live in despair?
'Coz wide awake or dreamin', I know he's never there
And all the time I act so brave, I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
Rick Price - Heaven Knows
Z : Hey, Me. It's Z. (it's because he was using his cousin's mobile).
Me : Who? (the blaring sound of people cheering in the tv for Adam when he went on stage)
Z : It's Z.
Me : Z? (thinking...) Oh, Z!! Hi!
Z : *chuckles* (oh he sounded sooo adorable) Hey. U busy?
Me : Oh, no. No. (I postponed washing the dishes just to watch Adam and now you're calling, what d'ya think?)
Z : Great. Anyway, I'm just calling to find out how have you been after what had happened.
A slight pause from Me.
Me : (We BROKE UP.. How do you think I'd be?) Am fine. Why is that?
Z : Um, nothing. I thought you'd be sad after we....
Me : (I was DEVASTATED for God's sake Z!!) Oh, that's nothing. I'm good actually.
Z : Wow.. I'm glad to hear that.. Can't believe you'd be fine after.....
Me : You know what, I called you for over 20 times but you didn't pick up. I was disappointed. I tried to clear things up, I know it was my fault but you didn't give me a chance and you just gave up on us.
Z : Me, I myself didn't know what the hell happened to me. I didn't care for the ones I love and
I just left the town to clear my mind up. I'm so sorry.
Me : *soft sigh* So, how do you do now? You alright?
Z : No.
Me : Aww, why's that? (God, I wish we're still a couple so that we can talk and share things for hours like we used to)
Z : I don't know. I feel terrible and awful. I don't even know why. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you in any way.
Me : It's okay. It's history now.. *with a soft giggle* (I miss you actually)
Z : Do you already have someone?
Me : What? No.. *laughs* No..
Z : Me?
Me : Yeah?
And then, the most bizarre thing happened.. I couldn't believe that he still trust in our relationship..
Z : Would you wait for me if I asked you to? Like in 2 or 3 years? I really want to stable myself
first.
Me : *A really loud laugh* What was that again?
Z : Would you wait for me if I asked you to? *pause* Well, it's not that I ask you to, cause it would sound forcing.. Hm.. *giggles* camane nak cakap ni ah?
Me : *giggles* Ok, so you want me to wait for you? Is that it?
Z : Well, sorta.. But let me rephrase it. I would really really hope if you would wait for me in 2 or 3 years more. *sighs and more sighs* (he sounded worry, like if he had put the word correctly..lol..he sounded cute whenever he's trying to make things up =D)
Me : I'm really not sure about this though..
Z : Oh, please.. I'm really hoping if you would..
Me : I'm not sure.. I.. Well, maybe.. I don't know..
Z : Think about this first ok?
Me : I don't... Sigh, ok I will..
Z : *sounded cheerful* really? Think about it ok?
Me : Alright *with giggles*
Z : Ok then..
Me : Ok then..
Normally, we would do the no-you hang-up-no-you-hang-up-first routine. But there was a long pause, neither of us said anything.. So, I figured, before he says anything that would make me cry again (whether a good cry or a bad cry) like he always did, I finally said "Bye" and then hung up, didn't even wait for the reply..
I'm not sure about this, really.. I don't know if I should listen to him or not but all I know is that I shouldn't put much trust in this.. I keep on telling myself that I've put him in the past but whenever I feel lonely, all I can think of is him.. All the things that we talked about.. I kept on praying that we'd get back together at the second we broke up..
However, I've decided on the conclusion that I would turn him down.. No matter if it would make me feel terribly awful. Or maybe, make the both of us feel terribly awful. I don't want the same thing to happen again, even if it means that I have to lose him. Well, here's a song that I listen whenever I thought of him.. It's a lovely song and suits me best.. It's a guy song so I changed it a bit.. lol..
He's always on my mind
From the time I wake up, till I close my eyes
He's everywhere I go, he's all I know
Though he's so far away, it just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now he's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let him go
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love him, you've gotta set him free
And if he returns in kind
I'll know he's mine
But tell me, where do I start?
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let him go
Why I live in despair?
'Coz wide awake or dreamin', I know he's never there
And all the time I act so brave, I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
Rick Price - Heaven Knows
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